How to Combat Comparison
Do you struggle with comparison? Recently I was teaching a student that has restriction within her range of movement. She often struggles seeing other students within their Pilates practice. She sometimes mentions how she could never do what they are doing. This happened again when she saw a student twisting. She said, “Wow she can really twist!” But this time she caught herself and without my prompting added, “But I shouldn’t compare myself.” I was happy for her progress. I responded, “That’s right but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate her twist.” She agreed.
Comparing yourself and your practice or teaching, is natural but not always helpful. Seeing what might be possible for yourself can be inspiring. But there are times when you see someone else do something that looks beyond what you could accomplish and it can be discouraging. Don’t be discouraged. This might sound obvious to some, but after growing up in a competitive world of dance and theater, it wasn’t for me. I had to learn to celebrate others for their accomplishments. Just because someone else was successful at something doesn’t mean I can’t be too.
Some people live for competition. Some are propelled forward by seeing what others have accomplished and doing everything they can to be better. I used to live that life. I was groomed for competition growing up in the entertainment world and then living in New York City, where you compete for everything. As an adult, I realized constant competition was exhausting and made me bitter. I didn’t want to be those things. I want to work with others. I want to collaborate with others so we can achieve our goals together. I have worked toward understanding that I don’t have to do or be everything to everyone. I can be really good at my stuff, but I don’t need to be better than others. I can just be me. I can appreciate what others bring to the table too.
Here are some tips if you are struggle with comparison:
Recognize when it occurs. If you find yourself comparing to another person, stop and think about it. Does it really matter if this person is better or worse than you at something? Is it positive to think these things? Probably not. Stop the behavior and take note of what happened surrounding it.
Change the tape. Instead of comparing, appreciate. Think or speak this out loud. For example, my student told the other student how beautiful her twist was. This brought a smile to everyone’s face. Instead of choosing to hold on to the negative, she chose to acknowledge this skill in someone else. Basic appreciation, whether spoken or not, brings more positive energy to the world.
Repeat. This is a process that takes time. Changing your thought patterns, especially when they become automatic, is not an easy thing but it can be done. If you continue to recognize the behavior and change the response, you will eventually make this a positive habit. Your positivity will spread.
I did not realize how automatic my judgment of myself was, in comparison to others, until I was on the subway one day back in college. I sat on the train and compared myself to someone I did not know and would probably never see again. I realized this was not a positive use of my time. This was not a helpful thing to do. I didn’t know a thing about this person and there was no reason to compare myself to them. I decided that day I was going to stop. This definitely took some time to make it a habit but I kept working on it.
We can all be good at things. Even the same thing. As Pilates Teachers we all bring something different to the practice. Even if we teach the exact same exercises in the exact same way. Some students will pick it up from you, others need to hear it from someone else to get it. Have you ever gone out of town and a student has a revelation they think is from the new teacher, but you’ve been saying it all along? That used to drive me crazy. Then I decided to appreciate the other teacher for helping my students keep up with their practice while I had some time away. I had to appreciate the student’s willingness to work with someone new and keep going. Most of all I appreciated the student getting an important lesson down, that for some reason they couldn’t get from me. Yes, we probably all could use an extra student or two. But the ultimate goal is more people doing Pilates right? Ann Patchett, who is a New York Times Bestselling author and co-owner of Parnassus Books recently said she didn’t care how people were reading (meaning buy books from her or get them from the library or another source) she just wants people to read. If she can let it go, we can too. So let’s let go of some comparison and competition. How do you deal with comparison with yourself or your students? I would love to hear how you approach this in the comments.
